FAMILY LAW
Focus on creating a memorable holiday experience – maintain some routines, but also allow space for fun
HAVE ‘MEETINGS’ Spending ten minutes each week having a kind of meeting without the children can have a positive effect on a co-parenting relationship, as well as on the children, who will be reassured by their parents being on the same page. Ask each other: how are we doing? Are we sharing the workload? Has anything changed since last week that is making either of us stressed or unhappy? AVOID BLAME Saying things like ‘you never…’ or ‘you always…’ can cause your ex-partner to feel attacked, and the argument is more likely to escalate. Start with your own feelings. This helps reduce the other person’s need to defend themselves, and can make it easier for them to receive the intended message. LISTEN Help your ex-partner feel deeply listened to and understood (also useful with teenagers) by really slowing things down and not jumping in to say ‘yes, but…’ or trying to fix things. TAKE TIME OUT When a conversation is getting out of control or emotions are running high, employ the time- out technique by taking a short break to calm emotions down. It can be called in at any time, but needs to be agreed to by both sides as a strategy. Set a time to restart the discussion so that neither party feels rejected or ignored. CHILDREN FIRST Always think from your child’s perspective first: do they want organised activities all the time or do they just want quiet time with you at home, relaxing and learning how to occupy themselves with short bursts of your attention? Confidence comes from secure attachments with parents. info@suffolkfamilytherapy.co.uk Family therapist Susie Hayden shares five top tips that can be employed to help co-parents interact effectively GOOD COMMUNICATION
practical and suitable child arrangements for holidays,” she says. If you still can’t reach an agreement easily, consider seeking legal advice. No matter whether your situation is acrimonious and difficult, or amicable and respectful, take a moment at the end of each holiday period to review and reflect on what worked well and what didn’t. Consider doing this alongside your children where possible, and take into consideration the perspective of your ex-partner. You can tweak the arrangements accordingly for next time and move forward positively. The summer holidays can present lots of challenges for co-parents, but planning ahead and preparing for all eventualities can make it a happy and fulfilling time for all. Don’t forget to prioritise your wellbeing too, and use time apart from your child for much-needed rest and relaxation.
IN HARMONY Co-parenting doesn’t have to be a struggle – finding neutral ground and making the child’s needs a priority can ease tension
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