FEED: What if you’ve got people on your team who are resisting making a change?
EDDIE O’CONNOR: I’ve been asked this question a lot: how do I get these people on board? I have to remind clients that they’re trying to control somebody. I don’t mean in a bad or manipulative way. If I’m a leader, I want my followers to follow. But if I start pushing or demanding, I’m going to get some resistance. We don’t like being told what to do.We don’t like being controlled. In fact, sometimes we can double down on the opposite if we’re being forced. There are three psychological needs behind motivation – competence, autonomy and relatedness. If you’re telling people what to do, that lack of autonomy and relatedness is going to undermine their motivation.You’re not going to get the results and creativity you want. Education is one thing you can do to get people on board. If they can get attached to the reason something is happening, and if they can’t come up
with a better idea, then maybe they can accept that they need to move in this direction. A back and forth exchange of ideas, really listening – these are things where people can at least feel heard and, if they have to accept that something different, they can come along with you. We can also try to coach people. And we can let them know that’s the intention and see if they’re on board. Are they willing to be coached?You might want to coach somebody, but if they don’t want to be coached that’s not going to work.Then it will go back to control. It can help to ask questions like, ‘This is a really challenging time.Would you be interested in some mentorship?’ or, ‘Could we work together to find another way to do this?’ But if you don’t get them on board, you’re not going to go anywhere. The third aspect is that there are people who just say no, and they don’t fit anymore. And that is the hard reality of it.There are times when people and institutions or businesses need to separate. There’s an evolution and the company goes one way and people have to go in another.
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