EDUCAT ION
AODAIN FLEMING, HEAD OF PASTORAL CARE AT ST MARY’S SCHOOL, CAMBRIDGE, ON THE IMPORTANCE OF TALKING ABOUT OUR BAD DAYS Light & shade EDUCAT ION SPOTL IGHT
ell-being is a concept most of us feel we know well. It is talked about more and more, and we are acutely aware now, more than ever before, how important it is to ensure we are doing our best to achieve it. But, in reality, how do we reach that desired state of ‘being well’? And how do we ensure our children are also raised to understand the importance of being both healthy and happy, but also feel able to talk to others when they aren’t? Of course, there are lots of things we can all do to look after ourselves. Healthy eating, exercise, self-reflection or meditation, lots of time outdoors immersing ourselves in fresh air and limiting our screen time – these are just some examples. Fundamentally, however, a mindset that can revolutionise how we feel about ourselves is losing the need to live our lives according to an ideal. Because, let’s face it, life isn’t perfect. Things can – and do – go wrong. In our daily lives, we are bombarded with images and descriptions of other people’s ‘perfect’ lifestyles. We read articles where celebrities show us around their mansions, see super mums who had a baby two weeks ago out jogging in their Lycra without a wobble in sight, footballers with the latest supercar, or our friend’s social media posts in glamorous locations or having perfect family time. It can feel like everyone else is in control of their lives – successful and living the dream. But scratch beneath the surface and we soon realise these images are often masking a different reality. One where there are as many moments of shade as there are of light. It is this reality that is spurring campaigns such as the ‘I’m Fine’ initiative W
from the Mental Health Foundation, and it’s also why we are seeing more people sharing their bad days just as much as their good ones. By having shared moments of shade, we feel camaraderie and a sense of belonging that can help us get through those darker times. This is why, at our school, we take pastoral care so seriously, and it is something we are known and respected for in our local community. We have signed up to the ‘Girls on Board’ initiative, an approach that aims to help girls aged eight to 18 successfully navigate friendship problems by encouraging continued dialogue. One reason behind the scheme’s success thus far is that, as the girls share their concerns, they realise they all have the same anxieties. This is backed up by Huntley and Owens’ case study in the 2006 International Education Journal, which shows that “externalising conversations have been shown to be
particularly successful in working with adolescents”. The approach empowers girls to find their own solutions – and, as a result, parents worry less, schools can focus more on the curriculum and the girls learn more effectively because they are happier. More and more young people are setting their expectations for themselves so high they are living and measuring themselves against unrealistic standards. This can then bring on feelings of inadequacy and failure that can stay with them into adulthood. By talking through our difficulties with others, sharing our own stories and being a supportive listener, we can make inroads into positive well-being. It is vital that, in order to look after our well-being, we all regularly talk about the shade in our lives to help bring ourselves, our young people and others back into the light. l
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