FAMILY EDITION
Unsurprisingly, the study found that parents with challenging relationships find co-parenting difficult to manage, while those with shared friendship and values tend to enjoy a positive experience. Regardless of the parents’ relationship, preparation is essential. “Our research has shown that co-parenting families had planned their arrangements carefully, taking both time and legal advice before entering into an agreement,” she tells us. Of course, an amicable arrangement is in everyone’s best interests since it offers a resolution without having to resort to family court and facing legal fees. “It is always the court’s preference that parents agree the arrangements for any children between themselves rather than having to dictate them,” continues Nick. A 50:50 split may seem like the natural conclusion, but Ann cautions that doing this ‘as a matter of principle’ should be avoided if it is simply impractical due to renegotiating work commitments or travelling distances between homes etc. “It’s great to outline a set routine, but it is essential that both parents are prepared to be flexible.” FINDING A WAY FORWARD Naturally, the very reasons that originally led to separation between partners may hamper the ability to have the respectful and constructive conversations that create a successful co-parenting arrangement. In these cases – where becoming amicable allies may seem like a distant reality – it’s
It is essential that both parents are prepared to be flexible
important to know when professional intervention is necessary. Indeed, the reality may be that co- parenting simply isn’t advised, says Nick. “I always caution that parents in difficult circumstances – for instance, if they have been in abusive or unhealthy relationships – need to consider whether co-parenting is appropriate or even effective.” On the other side of the coin, drawing up a parenting plan is a positive first step. Although this is by no means a legal obligation, such plans provide an invaluable tool for parents, whether for navigating simple day-to-day arrangements or having a commitment to refer to when facing complex issues, such as Christmas or introducing a new partner. “Consider using family mediation to support your discussions with the other parent when drawing up a parenting plan, to reach well-constructed decisions for your child’s future,” advises Sarah. Parents may also choose to enlist the services of a counsellor to help lay the groundwork of a co-parenting strategy. If mediation breaks down for whatever reason, legal advice suggests that solicitor involvement may assist in negotiations as a next step. Then, as a final resort, court intervention may be required
before judging if co-parenting should be abandoned as a suggestion altogether. Both Sarah and Nick point to Resolution (resolution.org.uk) as an invaluable resource with an extremely helpful ‘parenting through separation’ guide for would-be co-parents. LEADING WITH LOVE In the face of rising separation figures, co-parenting offers a source of hope and resolution. “Studies show that children thrive and are happy where they have parents who mutually support one another and work together in their interest without conflict,” explains Sarah. “When parents collaborate, they are better able to make decisions for their children’s welfare.” Above all, it is the children involved who benefit, thanks to consistency in their primary caregivers, a lack of pressure in choosing one parent over the other and observing positive role-modelling, with parents able to effectively co-parent. As Cai surmises: “The journey may not be devoid of its occasional bumps and challenges, but with transparent communication, adaptability and a mutual dedication to the wellbeing of children, co-parenting can steer families into a promising and fresh chapter.”
CAMBSEDITION.CO.UK FEBRUARY 2024 53
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